Could Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Have Helped Kurt Cobain?
December 8, 2008 | 2 Comments
Yesterday I watched the biopic ‘About a Son’ in which Kurt Cobain discusses his childhood, music career and views on life. An edited version of 25 hours of interview tapes recorded a year before he committed suicide, the film offers some insight into the negative thought patterns that seemed to be driving Kurt towards taking his own life.
From the film I got the impression that Kurt exhibited many of the characteristics and symptoms of someone who suffers from social anxiety disorder.
Unhappy childhood
His childhood was blighted by an unaffectionate parent and problems at school from feeling isolated and bullied by the other kids. He comments how he used to feel constantly paranoid and threatened by other people, and even had thoughts of violence because of it.
If you suffer from a lack of affection, a difficulty to connect with other people and social awkwardness then this can lead to an irrational fear, distrust or hatred of other people in adult life. And it’s believed by psychotherapists that the underlying thought processes which lead to social anxiety disorder are formed by unhappy childhood experiences.
Kurt was known to be a recluse, withdrawn and rarely engaged with other people if he could avoid it, typical symptoms of someone who suffered from social phobia.
Kurt’s answer to his troubling thoughts and his chronic stomach pains was to self medicate with opiates and heroin, which would have offered temporary escape but exasperated his problems in the long run.
A life without hope?
Nobody really knows what drove someone who was wealthy, successful and had a baby girl to feel that life was so futile that suicide was the only escape from their misery. But it’s likely that it was his inability to overcome his troubling thought patterns that made his life seem so intolerable.
Now I’m not an expert on Kurt Cobain and haven’t read any of the books on his life, but from my perspective it seems that he could have benefited from cognitive behavioural therapy.
Social phobia and other social anxiety disorders are driven by irrational, negative thought patterns. If Kurt could have been helped to understand how it was the unhelpful childhood experiences driving his subconscious hatred of people and gloomy outlook on life then maybe he could have been directed onto another path.
You feel the way that you think
The way our brains respond to the world around us is a complex puzzle which psychologists and therapists are still making sense of.
But if the brain has been programmed to think in an unhelpful way because of a troubling childhood then, with practice and patience, it can be reprogrammed to think in a more, realistic and helpful manner.
Perhaps if Kurt had learned to challenge his negative thoughts and to replace them with more objective ways of thinking then he might still be with us today, and writing more optimistic songs filled with life and hope because of it.
What is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and How Does it Help Reduce Anxiety and Depression?
September 29, 2008 | 1 Comment
[Photo courtesy of kalandrakas]
If you suffer from anxiety, social phobia or depression then you might think it’s other people or situations that make you feel nervous or unhappy. If people weren’t rude or stared at you then you wouldn’t need to feel miserable or anxious, right?
Well, extensive clinical studies (400+ in fact) have shown that it’s the unhelpful thoughts events provoke which make you feel uncomfortable, rather than purely the situations themselves.
Over the last fifty years, a number of clever people (Aaron Beck and Arnold Lazarus being two) put their heads together to make sense of why some people react differently to things than others.
As a result, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) was born, which is a form of psychotherapy for changing negative thought patterns (cognitions) into healthier, positive ones.
CBT is a common sense, problem solving approach to discovering how to think and behave in a more objective, happier manner, and reduce uncomfortable feelings as a result.
You feel the way that you think
If you developed a negative outlook as a child (e.g. from being neglected, bullied or mistreated in some way) then you probably tend to view the world in a gloomy light. You might have grown up thinking that you’re worthless, other people are unfriendly and that only bad things will befall you.
Developing a negative outlook is what can cause anxiety or depression in adult life, because your ability to respond logically to situations is hampered by your unhappy childhood memories. Thinking negatively all the time means you only see the bad in people and situations, rather than responding to them objectively.
As a result, if people are rude to you or if you do something stupid or embarrassing then you probably mull over it for ages afterwards, and think it means your unacceptable or worthless in some way.
Changing the way you think will change how you feel
With depression the world’s biggest (and growing) mental health issue, it’s unsurprising that so many drug companies are offering ‘miracle cures’ in pill form.
However, studies have shown that medication alone can’t mend the deep rooted thoughts and feelings which are making you feel uncomfortable. Medication can only soften the symptoms.
In studies, CBT has proven to be more effective than medication on its own. So it’s no surprise that over the last couple of decades CBT has grown in popularity with therapists, doctors and psychologists because of its effectiveness in helping people to think, feel and behave in a healthier, more positive way.
In fact, a UK government advisor on happiness believes CBT could reduce unemployment by helping more people back into work.
Skills that can help you for life
When people with depression stop taking their medication they can start feeling miserable again almost immediately. CBT, however, teaches people how to challenge negative thought patterns and provides them with strategies for feeling better about themselves. In a way, CBT enables you to become your own therapist.
CBT can be practiced in a group, on your own through a self-help course or with a therapist. As well as practical exercises for discovering how to think more healthily, you’ll also receive guidance on additional strategies, such as the importance of exercise, how to be assertive and discovering how to be more active, which will help to reduce your symptoms.
Overcoming anxiety or depression won’t happen overnight. In fact, it can take months before you’ll find your new ways of thinking taking hold and improving how you feel.
However, the amount of research, clinical studies and popularity amongst mental health practitioners on the effectiveness of cognitive behavioural therapy means discovering it should be at the top of your list if you suffer from anxiety, social phobia or depression.
How Deep Breathing Can Help Reduce Anxiety, Stress and Panic
August 27, 2008 | Leave a Comment
[Image courtesy of Stoker Studios]
Along with food and water, giving your body a supply of air is essential for maintaining your heath and well being. If you’re not breathing properly then this can cause imbalances in your blood and affect the way your body behaves.
Poor breathing can cause dizziness, shortness of breath and shaking, which are all too familiar symptoms if you suffer from anxiety or panic.
The key is to learn how to breathe deeply in a natural manner that fills your stomach and rib cage, as well as the top part of your chest, and it can be practiced using simple exercises throughout the day.
Why is breathing properly so important?
Breathing regulates the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your blood. Too much oxygen can cause you to feel agitated and nervous, whilst too much carbon dioxide might calm you temporarily but it can make you feel light headed and distort your responses.
Instead you should practice being able to breath deeply and naturally so that your body can maintain a healthy balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide and behave healthily.
Deep breathing is practiced as part of Tai Chi, Yoga and other forms of meditation due to its effectiveness in helping you think and behave in a clear, healthy manner.
The benefits of breathing properly include:
• Release tension in your neck, chest and diaphragm
• Reduce anxiety and panic by having a healthier balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your blood so you can think and behave in a calmer, clearer manner
• Reduce build up of stress and tension throughout the day
• When practicing as part of a meditation exercise, breathing can divert your attention from stressful, unhelpful thoughts
• Exhaling for longer than you inhale will help you to relax
Why ‘just take a deep breath’ is bad advice
We’ve all heard the advice to ‘take a deep breath’ when we’re feeling stressed or anxious. However, the problem is that most people interpret this as taking rapid breaths, rather than deep, natural breathing that fills our stomach, as well as our upper chest.
Rapid breathing can simply imbalance the oxygen in your blood, causing you to feel more agitated and nervous. Deep natural breathing is slow and calm, rather than rapidly gulping down oxygen.
So how do I practice deep breathing?
Here are a few breathing exercises you can practice to train your body to keep a healthy balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide, as well as help to reduce stress, panic and anxiety:
Sigh Breath
- Take a moderate breathe through your nose and then slowly exhale, prolonging your exhale for longer than your inhale.
- As you exhale try and relax the muscles in your face and shoulders to release any built up tension.
- When you next inhale, try and divert your attention to the sights and sounds around you without passing judgement on your thoughts but just letting them flow
- This breathing technique works well with mindfulness meditation because it focuses your thoughts away from whatever stresses you’re feeling that day.
- Sigh breathing can be practiced whenever you’ve got a spare minute or two throughout the day, and can help you learn to regulate your breathing.
Easy Breathing
- focus on only your breathing for 3-4 minutes.
- Ignore everything around you other than your breathing
- move your chest and diaphragm in harmony so that you’re breathing naturally, rather than forced
- concentrating on your breathing in this way will divert your thoughts from your anxiety and stress
4-7-8 Breathing
- inhale for four seconds, hold it in for seven seconds then slowly release your breath for eight seconds
- As you exhale release the anxiety , stress and tension from your muscles, shoulder and face
- this exercise helps you to exhale for longer than you inhale, which can help your body relax if you’re feeling nervous
- you could practice this at any time, whether on public transport, waiting in a cue or when you’re just at home to help calm your breathing
There are plenty of other breathing exercises you can practice which you can learn more about from books and other resources on the net.
Healthy breathing is an important part of coping with and reducing anxiety, so try a few different breathing exercises to find which ones work best for you and in which situations.
How You Can Reduce Your Anxiety by Reducing Your Self-consciousness
August 19, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Do you ever find it difficult to follow conversations? Does your mind go blank ‘trying’ to think of something to say? Or do you feel overcome by nervous whenever you enter or leave a room?
If so then it’s probably due to anxiety getting in the way. Social anxiety is rooted in the fear of what people think of you and causes you to worry about everything you say and do. As a result, anxiety can cause you to feel extremely self-conscious, making it difficult to relax and behave naturally.
When you feel self-conscious you focus on your own thoughts and feelings, instead of what is going on in the world around you. Rather than reducing the chance of doing anything stupid, feeling self-conscious can simply magnify the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that make you feel anxious in the first place.
So in order to be able to relax and reduce your anxiety, you need to be able to reduce your self-consciousness.
So how do I reduce my self-consciousness?
To reduce your self-consciousness you have to distract your brain away from focusing inwardly. You have to divert it from analysing your own thoughts and feelings to focusing on the world around you.
If you suffer from social anxiety I know this is a lot easier said then done. So here are a few ideas for keeping your over active brain occupied:
Concentrate on what other people are saying. Even if you don’t have any witty anecdotes to share, simply listening intently to others will distract your brain for long enough that you might find yourself making the odd comment and then joining in without consciously realising it.
Try playing detective mind games - observe the way other people are behaving to deduce what their occupation could be. The way they’re standing, the clothes they’re wearing or how they interact with others can all provide you with small clues. Just remember not to jump to conclusions, but rather see yourself as gathering evidence like a modern day Sherlock Holmes.
Act like a scientist in analysing your own safety behaviours. Try making a determined effort not to do the things you normally do when you feel self-conscious, such as fiddling with your phone, playing with your hair or sipping constantly from your drink. See whether this makes you feel any better and gauge your anxiety on a scale of one to ten, this will at least distract your mind from some of your more uncomfortable thoughts.
Practice mindfulness meditation. Although you’d normally do this in quiet surroundings, you can practice mindfulness meditation when sat on a bus (just remember not to miss your stop!) or waking down the street. Simply focus your attention on the sights and sounds in the present moment, and observe your thoughts as passing cars arriving and then disappearing into the distance.
Distracting your mind from feeling self-conscious long enough for your anxiety to reduce isn’t easy. But it’s a valuable skill which you can practice and get better at over time.
Gradually, being able to focus on the world around you and less on yourself will make social situations more enjoyable and conversations easier without allowing anxious thoughts to get in the way.
eBook released - ‘How You Can Overcome Social Anxiety’
August 11, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Well, it took four months and more sweat and tears than planned, but my eBook ‘How You Can Overcome Social Anxiety’ is now finally finished and up for sale on the site. It’s designed to be a clear, concise guide to social anxiety: what causes it, why you might suffer from it and, more importantly, what you can do to reduce the symptoms enough so they don’t impede your enjoyment of life.
Whilst there are already some excellent books and websites out there providing plenty of useful information, I thought some people would be happy to pay £4.50/$9 for a collated guide which provides an overview of social anxiety and what they can do to reduce the symptoms. It can be read through in under an hour, but its real value comes from printing out the worksheets, grabbing a pen and working through the exercises that teach you how to identify your negative, anxious thoughts and replace them with more objective, healthier ways of thinking.
Anxiety affects millions around the world
When I first started researching anxiety at the start of the year I was amazed to discover how many people suffered from it, with 15 million Americans and 2.3 million people in the UK estimated to suffer from an anxiety disorder. What also surprised me was the number of people searching on the internet daily for help in overcoming their symptoms.
Social anxiety is a complicated and a difficult problem to overcome, with a variety of personal issues and extremities causing people to distrust and even fear people they don’t know. If it goes untreated then it can lead to depression because of the withdrawal from an active life interacting with other people.
Social anxiety CAN be overcome
I’m not claiming to offer a miracle cure (unlike the drug companies), but cognitive behavioural therapy can provide people with the mental thought processing skills to identify the negative thoughts driving their anxiety and replace them with more helpful and healthier ways of thinking.
You feel the way that you think, and with practice and patience, your new ways of thinking can take hold, become your automatic beliefs and reduce your anxiety as a result.
My hope is that my eBook will provide anybody who suffers from social anxiety their first steps towards recovery. The complexity of social anxiety (and the fact that overcoming it means rewiring the way that you think) means that everyone has to find their own path towards recovery.
However, along with my eBook, there are plenty of resources and support out there to help you find your way. And I for one will be continuing to post articles every week offering tips and advice on how to overcome social anxiety for good.
Smiling Better than Prozac for Overcoming Depression and Anxiety
July 28, 2008 | 2 Comments
[Photo courtesy of Ferdinand Reus]
Since embarking on my voyage into understanding what causes anxiety and its effects rarely a week passes without hearing news on how it can be treated. From everything I’ve heard I believe that popping ‘happy pills’, such as Prozac, on their own are not the answer. Drugs can help cushion some of anxiety and depression’s harsher symptoms, but you have to change the way you think and behave for long term recovery.
In the UK’s national news today the findings of research by Professor Jane Plant and Janet Stephenson (National Health Service psychologist) were announced, which are described in their new book: ‘Beating Stress, Anxiety and Depression’.
With 2.4 million Brits estimated to suffer from anxiety and one in six expected to experience depression at some stage, the two experts’ constructive suggestions, based on scientific evidence, have been well received.
Their advice is to change your diet, behaviour and appearance to improve your self esteem and sense of well being. Relying on a prescription from the doctor alone to solve your problem is not the answer (although a visit is always recommended on your road to recovery).
Their suggestions include:
- Smile - even if you feel the weight of anxiety pushing down on you, at least appearing happier and more approachable will improve how people respond to you. This in turn can help lift your mood and improve how you interact with others.
- Eat fish packed with omega-3 fatty acids for breakfast and porridge at night to help you sleep.
- Make lifestyle changes to be more active such as going out dancing (any form of regular exercise is highly recommended if not essential)
- Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or clothes to improve your self confidence (I’d suggest this is more of a temporary measure and relying on ‘retail therapy’ to improve your mood poses its own risks)
- Avoid living a materialistic lifestyle or getting sucked into celebrity culture - everybody has their strengths and weaknesses and you shouldn’t regard touched up images and glamorised lifestyles as a yardstick for valuing yourself as a human being.
I think any book that uses scientific evidence to show that you need to change the way you think and behave in order to overcome depression and anxiety is a welcome addition to any bookshelf.
You might have to find your own path to a happier, more fulfilling life, but there’s are plenty of helpful information on the web and on bookstore shelves to help you find the way.
Overcoming the Anxiety, Panic and Fear of Strangers
July 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment
If you suffer from social anxiety then the fear of what people think can sometimes be overwhelming. Simple activities like walking into a crowded room or sitting near a group of strangers can be enough to set off your alarm bells and cause you to panic. Because you’re convinced people are judging you and talking about you. In the worst case scenario you might hear someone laugh, which of course you think is aimed at you.
If this sounds familiar then you’re not alone. Literally millions of people around the world suffer from social anxiety and panic in uncomfortable situations. It’s estimated that 10% will suffer social anxiety at some stage in their life.
Why do I suffer anxiety and fear of strangers?
There are believed to be a few reasons why you might have developed social anxiety and the fear of people you don’t know. The main causes are believed to be rooted in your childhood: growing up with anxious or overly critical parents; or bullied or neglected as a child.
The low self esteem these experiences can cause can mean that you’re always looking to win the approval of others. This in turn makes you feel anxious because you’re constantly worrying about what people think and whether they’ll reject you.
Can social anxiety be overcome?
Social anxiety is believed to be the third most common psychiatric disorder, after depression and alcoholism, and in recent years extensive studies have been conducted into its causes and effects. With a diagnosis comes treatment, and thousands of people have learned to overcome their anxiety and panic through a combination of:
- cognitive behavioural therapy (which teaches you how to replace your uncomfortable thoughts with more helpful ways of thinking)
- exercise
- relaxation techniques
- being more active
- medication (a magic bullet doesn’t exist for social anxiety. But a doctor can prescribe drugs that will take the edge off your sense of panic in social situations to help you change the way you think and behave and overcome your anxiety in the long term)
There’s an abundance of information to help you pacify your panic
When I’ve (finally) finished my Overcoming Social Anxiety eBook it will provide an overview of cognitive behavioural therapy and practical exercises you can use to gradually change the way you think and behave. And there’s already a wealth of information available in books and on the web to help you understand what social anxiety is and what strategies you can use to overcome its symptoms.
A particularly useful site (directed to by Ileana at the Beating Social Anxiety blog) is about.com’s Social Anxiety Disorder site. There’s plenty of informative articles on here to get you started in understanding your condition, and to help you realise that you’re not alone in experiencing panic in social situations.
How Mindfulness Meditation Can Reduce Your Anxiety
July 15, 2008 | 4 Comments
[Photo courtesy Gerry K.]
Along with being more active and regular exercise, mindfulness meditation is highly recommended for overcoming social anxiety. Its popularity amongst psychotherapists has grown tremendously in recent years, because of its effectiveness in treating depression, anxiety and chronic pain.
Mindfulness helps you learn to let troubling thoughts pass through your mind without causing you to feel upset. When meditating, you simply suspend your judgement on whether something is good or bad. This can help you make more realistic assessments of the people and situations that would otherwise make you feel anxious.
Anxiety is driven by painful memories of the past and unhelpful predictions of the future. Mindfulness meditation helps you to break out of these modes of thinking, and focus more objectively on the present.
What is mindfulness meditation?
Mindfulness meditation originates in Zen Buddhism. Its success in helping those suffering from depression or anxiety has led to its popularity as a self help technique.
Mindfulness is a state in which you focus on the present: the sounds in the trees, the softness of your cushions and the feelings in your body. Whilst meditating, you observe your thoughts as they arrive and then simply allow them to pass by, without passing judgement on whether they’re true or not.
With practice (and patience) mindfulness meditation teaches you to treat thoughts as just temporary pulses in your mind. This can help to reduce your tendency to automatically assume your thoughts are facts, which in turn can reduce how they make you feel.
The ability to accept thoughts and feelings as temporary sensations can help you to control how you respond. If they’re unhelpful or inaccurate then you’ll be able to let them pass by without them making you feel upset.
How do I practice mindfulness?
Take ten minutes out of your day. Find somewhere quiet. Sit or lie in a comfortable position, and slowly relax your breathing.
Focus your thoughts on the world around you: where can you feel tension in your body, what you can hear from the street or smell in the room. Allow yourself to accept the present, and that things are just the way that they are.
When you first try meditating your thoughts will probably wander. So when you start playing over things in the past or worrying about the future, allow your thoughts to pass by without making judgements. Just accept them as merely thoughts, rather than facts.
A useful technique is to imagine your thoughts as passing cars. See yourself as a pedestrian watching them as they arrive and then disappear into the distance, without you catching a lift or giving them too much attention.
Through mindfulness meditation you should notice how your mind is constantly chattering away, with thoughts constantly coming and going.
Your thoughts aren’t facts
If you suffer from depression or low self esteem then your thought processes are often inaccurate and unhelpful. By using mindfulness to suspend judgement on your thoughts, rather than assume they’re facts, you’ll be able to make more objective judgements on whether they’re accurate.
You can practice mindfulness at anytime. Try using it when you’re walking down a crowded street. Treat your negative thoughts about people looking down on you as merely temporary impulses passing through your brain. Accept your negative thinking as something that’s rooted in your past, and not something that’s a fact about your present.
I know this sounds easier than done. But with practice and patience you should find that other time mindfulness meditation can help suspend your negative automatic judgements. If they’re unhelpful or inaccurate then just let them pass by like cars on the road.
You feel the way that you think
Anxiety is caused by your brain constantly making judgements based on past memories and future predictions. Mindfulness teaches you to focus on the present.
Learning to suspend your judgements on people and situations before you’ve got evidence to form an opinion will help you respond more objectively. Over time this should help reduce your anxiety and live in the present without letting unhelpful thoughts affect how you feel.
Mindfulness meditation takes practice and patience.
However, its effectiveness and popularity for treating depression and anxiety means it’s another valuable daily exercise you should add to your strategy for overcoming social anxiety disorder.
Why Exercise Can Reduce Anxiety
July 7, 2008 | 4 Comments
Ever heard the saying ‘healthy body, healthy mind’? When it comes to anxiety treatment this saying has never been truer. Studies have shown that regular exercise can brighten your mood, reduce anxious thoughts and decrease the physical symptoms. Along with medication and psychotherapy, regular exercise should be a key part of your strategy for overcoming social anxiety disorder.
How does exercise reduce anxiety?
Although we don’t know exactly why, it’s believed there are a range of reasons why exercise relieves anxiety and chases away the black clouds of depression:
- Distraction - focusing your thoughts on hitting a tennis ball or running around an open manhole prevents you from mulling over your last (probably incorrectly perceived) social calamity. Anxiety is driven by negative thinking. So using your brain more constructively can give your emotions a welcome break.
- Biological - exercise safely releases stored up adrenaline, which is what causes you to sweat or feel sick when you’re anxious. This means you’ll feel more relaxed and less on edge after you’ve finished your run.
- Strengthens your heart - your heart is a muscle and making it stronger will help it perform better in stressful situations. As your heart strengthens, from regular exercise, it’s less likely to start hammering in your chest in anxious situations.
- Improves your mood - the increased blood flow to your brain causes mood enhancing ‘endorphins’ to be released. Endorphins are feel good hormones, and when they’re freed they can brighten your mood and evaporate gloomy thoughts.
- Self esteem boost - just knowing that you’re doing something practical to relieve your anxiety, rather than feeling miserable in bed, will make you feel better about yourself. Regular exercise will make you feel fitter, stronger and give you a much needed boost to your self esteem.
The best way to beat ‘do nothingness’ is to do anything!
Whilst the idea of running through a crowded park or risk losing at tennis might seem off putting, the only way to beat the bedridden blues is to start doing more. In my previous article I discussed why you should be more active if you want to overcome your social anxiety disorder in the long-term.
Lying in bed mulling over your latest (perceived) mishaps is only going to make you feel miserable and think the world is an unfriendly place. To break out of the pattern of hiding at home, you need to pursue activities that will give you a sense of accomplishment and give your mind healthier stimulation. Exercise can make you feel better about yourself and will also give you fulfilling goals to pursue, such as improving your golf swing or being able to jog further.
Exercise should be fun, so choose a type that you’ll enjoy and won’t feel like a chore. Here are a few ideas you should think about trying:
- Walking or jogging - these will get you out and about so you can say hello to strangers (and even smile if you’re feeling brave) to help overcome your fears. Gentle, regular exercise can strengthen your heart, lungs and reduce anxiety’s physical symptoms.
- Weight lifting or sprinting - explosive bursts of energy will make you bigger and stronger. Being physically fit will help you feel better about yourself knowing you’re in trim shape.
- Tennis or golf - taking up a skilful sport will give you a fulfilling goal to pursue as you strive to improve. Just remember to be easy on yourself if you don’t play as well as you’d like. Nobody got better at anything without practice.
- Yoga - Ileana at Beating Social Anxiety would be able to tell you about the benefits of yoga for anxiety treatment. Yoga will help release some of the strain in your muscles from feeling tense, as well as enable your thoughts to drift and encourage a more relaxed state of mind.
Whichever type of exercise you choose to do, you should aim to fit 20-30 minute sessions at least three times a week into your schedule.
Regular exercise’s wide range of positive effects, in reducing both the physical and mental symptoms, means that it should be a key part of your journey to overcoming social anxiety disorder.
[Photo courtesy of Ernst Moeksis]
Think you’re lazy? Here’s how to be more active
June 26, 2008 | 4 Comments
[Photo courtesy of Ingorrr]
One of the (many) problems with social anxiety disorder is that it can affect your motivation to get out there and do things. The fear of negative evaluation by others might mean you prefer the safety of your bed, rather than face (usually misinterpreted) stares of disapproval.
However, human beings by nature need to be stimulated. And avoiding activities will simply make you feel worse rather than better. Being isolated can make you feel depressed. So the best antidote to changing the way you feel is to change the way you think and behave.
If you lie in bed all day waiting for the motivation/desire/energy to do something then you’ll be waiting a longtime. Instead you’ll find that doing literally anything other than nothing will raise your mood, boost your confidence and give you the drive to be more active.
Why am I so lazy?
First of all, don’t make the mistake of ‘labelling’ yourself ‘lazy’. As a human being you’re too complicated to define yourself by a single word or phrases. You might be lazy ’sometimes’. But that doesn’t mean you have some sort of genetic imprint that prevents you from getting dressed and doing stuff.
Here are a few of the common excuses (particularly if you suffer from social anxiety disorder) that might pop into your head to avoid getting stuff done:
- ‘I don’t feel like it’ - it’s a myth to think that you have to wait to ‘feel’ like doing something before you can do it. It’s only after experiencing the rewards of achieving something that you’ll find the motivation to do more. Even little things, like cooking yourself dinner rather than eating dry toast, will improve your mood because of the beneficial outcome from your activity.
- ‘I’m too depressed’ - you feel the way that you think. So if you lie in bed all day staring at the ceiling tormenting yourself over your latest (perceived) social faux pas then you’re not going to feel like going on a 10k bike ride. The best way of fighting your depression is to change the way you think. Being active and pursuing fulfilling goals, whether it’s teaching yourself Spanish or learning to cook, is what will banish the black clouds in the long run.
- ‘I might fail’ - So what? Nobody is good at everything. And we all have our strengths and weaknesses in life. Thinking you shouldn’t play tennis or attend a job interview because you might not get the outcome you want is only going to be a self fulfilling prophesy. To get better at things you have to practice. And there are enough hobbies, sports and jobs out there for you to find one you get satisfaction from.
Remember that thinking you must win at something or must get the job is a rigid way of looking at things. You should give yourself some flexibility and have preferences for the outcomes you’d like rather than rigid success/failure demands.
So how do I get myself out of bed?
A tried and tested method of beating the bedridden blues is taught by Dr David Burns in ‘Feeling Good’. He suggests writing out a time table for what you’d like to get done each day.
This can include the minor things, such as getting dressed and reading the paper, right up to shopping or attending a dinner party. At the end of the day you then rate out of five the satisfaction you found in the completion of each task. The easier tasks might only rate as a one, but the more demanding challenges could rate as a four or five.
What you should find is that the sense of accomplishment you get from scoring your activity each day will drive you to do more. Having a schedule also helps you to structure your time and keep yourself occupied.
Gradually, you should also find that you start pushing yourself to keep improving your score and pursuing ever more demanding tasks.
The list of things you could do is limitless. But here are a few ideas:
- Learn a new musical instrument
- Learn a new language
- Read a book (I’d highly recommend ‘Feeling Good’)
- Take up jogging (exercise is a great anxiety reliever)
- Start an eBay shop for some extra cash
- Decorate your bedroom to create a bright, warm atmosphere
- Learn to cook spicy Thai dishes
- Start writing a blog (doing something creative is always recommended for providing an outlet for expressing your social anxiety disorder)
- Practice meditating (also recommended for anxiety treatment)
So, if you’re currently lying in bed, feeling glum and reading this on your laptop - start writing a list of all the active things you could be doing.
Remember that you feel the way that you think. So start giving yourself a daily dose of uplifting brainwaves from pursuing fulfilling goals, and banish the bedridden blues for good.
[Photo courtesy of SqueakyMarmot]
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Latest Self Help Articles
- Could Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Have Helped Kurt Cobain?
- What is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and How Does it Help Reduce Anxiety and Depression?
- UK School Kids Given Lessons on How to Be Happy
- Feeling moody? Maybe it’s the weather
- How Deep Breathing Can Help Reduce Anxiety, Stress and Panic
- How You Can Reduce Your Anxiety by Reducing Your Self-consciousness
- eBook released - ‘How You Can Overcome Social Anxiety’
- Smiling Better than Prozac for Overcoming Depression and Anxiety
- Overcoming the Anxiety, Panic and Fear of Strangers
- How Mindfulness Meditation Can Reduce Your Anxiety
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