Think you’re lazy? Here’s how to be more active

June 26, 2008 | 4 Comments

lyingbed

[Photo courtesy of Ingorrr]

One of the (many) problems with social anxiety disorder is that it can affect your motivation to get out there and do things. The fear of negative evaluation by others might mean you prefer the safety of your bed, rather than face (usually misinterpreted) stares of disapproval.

However, human beings by nature need to be stimulated. And avoiding activities will simply make you feel worse rather than better. Being isolated can make you feel depressed. So the best antidote to changing the way you feel is to change the way you think and behave.

If you lie in bed all day waiting for the motivation/desire/energy to do something then you’ll be waiting a longtime. Instead you’ll find that doing literally anything other than nothing will raise your mood, boost your confidence and give you the drive to be more active.

Why am I so lazy?

First of all, don’t make the mistake of ‘labelling’ yourself ‘lazy’. As a human being you’re too complicated to define yourself by a single word or phrases. You might be lazy ’sometimes’. But that doesn’t mean you have some sort of genetic imprint that prevents you from getting dressed and doing stuff.

Here are a few of the common excuses (particularly if you suffer from social anxiety disorder) that might pop into your head to avoid getting stuff done:

  • ‘I don’t feel like it’ - it’s a myth to think that you have to wait to ‘feel’ like doing something before you can do it. It’s only after experiencing the rewards of achieving something that you’ll find the motivation to do more. Even little things, like cooking yourself dinner rather than eating dry toast, will improve your mood because of the beneficial outcome from your activity.
  • ‘I’m too depressed’ - you feel the way that you think. So if you lie in bed all day staring at the ceiling tormenting yourself over your latest (perceived) social faux pas then you’re not going to feel like going on a 10k bike ride. The best way of fighting your depression is to change the way you think. Being active and pursuing fulfilling goals, whether it’s teaching yourself Spanish or learning to cook, is what will banish the black clouds in the long run.
  • ‘I might fail’ - So what? Nobody is good at everything. And we all have our strengths and weaknesses in life. Thinking you shouldn’t play tennis or attend a job interview because you might not get the outcome you want is only going to be a self fulfilling prophesy. To get better at things you have to practice. And there are enough hobbies, sports and jobs out there for you to find one you get satisfaction from.

Remember that thinking you must win at something or must get the job is a rigid way of looking at things. You should give yourself some flexibility and have preferences for the outcomes you’d like rather than rigid success/failure demands.

So how do I get myself out of bed?

A tried and tested method of beating the bedridden blues is taught by Dr David Burns in ‘Feeling Good’. He suggests writing out a time table for what you’d like to get done each day.

This can include the minor things, such as getting dressed and reading the paper, right up to shopping or attending a dinner party. At the end of the day you then rate out of five the satisfaction you found in the completion of each task. The easier tasks might only rate as a one, but the more demanding challenges could rate as a four or five.

What you should find is that the sense of accomplishment you get from scoring your activity each day will drive you to do more. Having a schedule also helps you to structure your time and keep yourself occupied.

Gradually, you should also find that you start pushing yourself to keep improving your score and pursuing ever more demanding tasks.

The list of things you could do is limitless. But here are a few ideas:

  • Learn a new musical instrument
  • Learn a new language
  • Read a book (I’d highly recommend ‘Feeling Good’)
  • Take up jogging (exercise is a great anxiety reliever)
  • Start an eBay shop for some extra cash
  • Decorate your bedroom to create a bright, warm atmosphere
  • Learn to cook spicy Thai dishes
  • Start writing a blog (doing something creative is always recommended for providing an outlet for expressing your social anxiety disorder)
  • Practice meditating (also recommended for anxiety treatment)

So, if you’re currently lying in bed, feeling glum and reading this on your laptop - start writing a list of all the active things you could be doing.

Remember that you feel the way that you think. So start giving yourself a daily dose of uplifting brainwaves from pursuing fulfilling goals, and banish the bedridden blues for good.

thaifood

[Photo courtesy of SqueakyMarmot]

Posted by Matt | Filed Under Blog, anxiety treatment, cognitive behavioral therapy, social anxiety disorder 

‘Social Viagra’ anti-anxiety drug announced

June 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment

In the news recently a new anti-anxiety drug was announced that uses oxytocin hormones released by mothers when they bond with their newborn babies. The results of trials appear to be encouraging, with 120 patients reported to be relieved of their social anxiety within half an hour.

The report also highlights how millions of people suffer from shyness or social anxiety in the UK. One in ten say it affects their daily lives, with many seeking refuge in drink and illegal drugs to try and alleviate the symptoms.

There have been plenty of false dawns in the promises of drugs that can cure people of their anxiety. However, If ’social viagra’ proves to be as effective as is being reported then it can certainly help soften the uncomfortable  feelings of anxiety, and make learning how to change the way you think and feel that little bit easier.

I (along with many psychologists and doctors) don’t think that the long-term approach to overcoming social anxiety is in pill form. Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches you how to identify the uncomfortable thoughts that cause your anxiety, realize they’re illogical and then how to adopt more helpful, objective ways of thinking and feeling.

CBT isn’t a magic bullet (unlike the promises made by many drug companies). But it has clinically proven to be effective for thousands of people who have struggled with anxiety, depression or both.

On a brighter note, it’s fascinating to think that an anti-anxiety drug could be used to make people more generous, to create a soothing atmosphere in restauarants or to replace tear gas for riot control.

Posted by admin | Filed Under Blog, Social anxiety news 

The Advantages of Being Shy

June 18, 2008 | 1 Comment

thoughtful

[Image courtesy of andy_c]

If you suffer from shyness then you might daydream about swaggering into a party and captivating an audience with your witty anecdotes and smooth one liners. Whilst being confident and attracting attention has its advantages, you shouldn’t discount the qualities of being someone who holds back a little until you feel comfortable around strangers.

Being shy shouldn’t be something you’re ashamed of. But instead merely an aspect of your multifaceted personality.

If being shy or socially anxious is causing you problems then there are ways of overcoming it. But it’s not something you should think you have to be ‘cured’ of to be happy and attractive to others.

Polite and considerate

Shyness and anxiety are merely your body’s defensive mechanisms for staying alert to potential dangers. Whilst most learn to get used to the situations that made them shy as children, many people continue to feel bouts of anxiety as adults.

Being shy can get in the way when you meet people for the first time, and you just want to relax and be yourself. However, the flip side of the coin is that it also gives you the ability to evaluate situations before jumping straight in.

When you’re feeling shy, you might find yourself planning a route through the minefield of potential social mishaps. Whilst you should learn not to worry so much about exposing your weaknesses (which drives your fear of humiliation), the ability to be mindful of saying or doing the wrong thing can be a good thing.

Your efforts to not tread on anybody’s toes or cause offense means people will think you’re polite and considerate, whereas people who aren’t shy enough can  seem overpowering, pushy and self opinionated.

Being shy means you’re more likely to take the time to assess the appropriate thing is to say or do, rather than blunder into a dinner party, take someone else’s seat and then boast about your pay rise when someone else at the table has recently been fired.

Friendships based on quality rather than quantity

People who are shy are sometimes perceived as having an air of mystery about them, or hidden depths just waiting to be revealed. This can be an attractive quality. And can make people curious enough to try and break down your defensive walls to discover the real you.

The people with whom you form friendships will appreciate the confidence you’ve placed in them by letting your guard down. You in a turn are more likely to be a loyal and considerate friend. As a result the friendships you do form tend to have deeper roots and be longer lasting.

Whilst you might not always dominate the conversation. You’re likely to be an attentive listener and adept at asking the right questions, which is a valued characteristic in any relationship.

Independent, resourceful and thoughtful

Whether you consider yourself to be an introvert, shy or socially anxious, there’s a lot of positive skills you’ll have built up due to your personality type.

Spending a lot of time on your own can make you feel isolated. But it also means you’ve had to be self reliant and independent in pursuing your own interests and priorities. This resourcefulness can enable you to be more adept in looking after yourself, and less reliant on others to help you overcome life’s obstacles.

The anxiety of shyness might also mean you spend a lot of time pondering over situations - what went wrong, how it could have gone better. Once you’ve learnt how to assess life’s episodes objectively, you can learn to divert your thoughtfulness to better use by thinking through events more clearly and planning how you’ll approach them better in the future.

Mental strength

Being shy might (at the moment) be causing you problems in life and making everyday activities difficult, such as being assertive at working, dating or interacting with strangers in the street.

But there’s a proven, goal orientated approach to overcoming social anxiety in the form of cognitive behavioural therapy. CBT teaches you first to accept your shyness and then how to reduce it so it doesn’t inhibit your enjoyment of life.

And the sense of achievement, mental strength and improved ability to cope with life’s demands is perhaps the biggest long-term benefit of all from accepting your anxious feelings and taking steps to overcome them.

Posted by Matt | Filed Under Blog, cognitive behavioral therapy, shyness, social anxiety disorder 

Am I Socially Anxious or Just Shy?

June 12, 2008 | Leave a Comment

shy

[Image courtesy of Vaqawi]

Shyness is a common emotion during childhood, with 80% estimated to have felt a bit nervous when meeting strangers or on their first day of school. Half of those then continue feeling shy in certain situations during adulthood, such as going to parties or talking to strangers in the street. Feeling shy is a natural emotion, but problems occur when shyness becomes so uncomfortable that it makes you want to avoid social situations altogether.

Whilst social anxiety was diagnosed as a psychological disorder in the 1960s, the definitions of shyness and social anxiety continue to be blurred.

However, the techniques for treating both are the same.

Shyness is a natural emotion

Shyness is common in childhood because it’s a necessary part of growing up. Shyness (and anxiety) were needed for survival in our evolutionary past. They are what kept our ancestors on their toes and alert in more dangerous times.

In modern life for many people shyness subsides as they develop a better understanding of the world around them, and learn not to feel threatened by strangers or anxious in unfamiliar surroundings.

Of the 40% who continue to feel shy occasionally as adults, such as in job interviews or talking to groups, most don’t find it enough of a problem to seriously impede their lives.

It’s when shyness grows into the more severe symptoms of social anxiety, along with its black cloud of depression, that the impact can be quite debilitating.

Why social anxiety develops

Most people grow out of their shyness as they learn to interact with strangers and familiarise themselves with the situations that made them feel awkward. However, for those unable to develop these skills then their feelings of unease can grow into an almost paralysing fear of negative evaluation and rejection from other people.

Whilst doctors and psychologists are still debating a definitive reason, there is scientific evidence to suggest that genetics, childhood environment and early experiences all play a role in whether common shyness develops into more severe social anxiety. It’s generally understood that if you’ve had negative experiences when feeling shy as a child, such as being ridiculed or bullied, then painful feelings can reemerge whenever you subconsciously link current events to your past.

What you then need to do is to learn how to identify those irrational automatic beliefs and replace them with more helpful, objective thoughts and feelings.

Learning to overcome shyness and social anxiety

Whether you just feel shy around people you don’t know or suffer social anxiety’s fear of rejection, the methods for treating both are the same. The answer isn’t in pill form, but a combination of relaxation techniques and cognitive therapies.

In the last couple of decades a lot of progress has been made in treating social phobias, in all its forms, using cognitive behavioural therapy, which teaches you how to identify the troubling thoughts that cause you to feel shy or anxious and how to replace them with more helpful, realistic ones.

Whilst social phobia can be overcome with practice, patience and determination, you shouldn’t assume that being shy is a weakness to be ashamed of. I’ll be discussing why in next week’s article.

Posted by Matt | Filed Under Blog, Childhood, cognitive behavioral therapy, social anxiety disorder